Just A Girl And Her Studies (35)

The internet can be a strange place.  It can be full of inspiration, full of future opportunities, but also full of unfortunate pasts.  Much of my time as a current, modern-day artist has been dedicated to erasing those unfortunate pasts, embarrassed by my degree of vulnerability at times, embarrassed by my naivety as a cocky young twenty year old, or embarrassed by my lack of talent - why would I have ever created such a thing?

More often than not, I have control over what's out there floating around the internet in regards to myself.  I can delete ultra embarrassing old blog posts.  I can remove old pieces from my website that no longer fit my aesthetics.  But sometimes I have no control.  And yes, it's embarrassing and at times can drive me crazy, but there's beauty in that. 

Put yourself out there.  Be fully you.  If you're embarrassed looking back on it, it means you're growing, BUT it also means you're still striving for perfection. Be careful of that trap and let go.  Just fully let go.  You have to because 1) no on really cares - they're too busy thinking about their own embarrassment and 2) you will never get the end result you want.  I've constantly battled with perfectionist tendencies and the hardships that go along with it (you know all of the mental/physical anguish).  But I've realized it's all a cop out.  Because really it all comes from fear, from being afraid of not being good enough.  And guess what? Fear is not hard work - fear is the easy way out. 

So let's be fearless, let's fully and authentically put ourselves out there, and let's create merrily for the joy of creating.  Who cares what the end result is? I sure don't.